Heart, Body, and Soul...

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Aug. 12th, 2006

10:08 pm - city life in progress

so i've been living in the city for days...some days here some days in the burbs. it's quite stressful but so relaxing when i'm in the city. does this finally mean i've found my settlement? i would lean towards Yes! but.... so much to accomplish before i settle.

WOW...have lots to write but we're going out and i thought i'd do a quick update since i for some ODD reason decided to check this thing before i left. I NEVER go on here anymore but i feel i must pay my dues to this lovely thing known as LJ!

once i'm SETTLED i will update. Things are always changing.

**Cheers Bitches**



oh and ps. fuck grammar!!! lol

Current Location: The Pirates Room LOL

Current Mood: calm

Current Music: BT is OBSESSED WITH MY PANIC!

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Jun. 27th, 2006

02:57 pm - Matchbook Romance

"My Eyes Burn"

My eyes burn from these tears
You'd think I'd learn over these years
Good things won't last forever

So what the hell am I suppose to do
You only wanted the things I couldn't give to you
And you had it all anyway

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

Tell me I'm wrong when I say
I can't expect you to spend forever with me
I live for that single moment

I take back everything I've said
You wore those words on your lips
As if they meant anything anyway

Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

Tell me I'm wrong when I say it
I can't expect you to spend forever with me
I live for that single moment

So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place

Current Mood: annoyed

Current Music: My eyes burn

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02:37 pm - Stuck

I have so much to say, so much to write, but for some reason I have absolutely no clue where to start. I had one thing on my mind for weeks and now, after this weekend, the subject of my scattered brain has completely done a 180. Things are changing, my life is changing (once again), and my emotions are racing towards an open tunnel with many different ways for passage. I can go straight, left right, back....I'm confusing myself, I'm scared, I'm wondering, I'm thinking of the future; the future that I once thought I could plan. So much has happened, SO much has happened since that time in my life where I planned. I planned, and since then I promised myself I would never do it again. Planning sets you up for disappointment and I'm sick of being disappointed in myself and in others.

There was a point in time where I would have these dreams. The dreams left me for months and for some reason it came back last night. The dream with the same person(s) in it but this time it was different. It wasn't the same as the other's. There was a different outcome, WE were different and it scares me because since I woke up, it hasn't escaped my mind. I keep coming back to it and for some reason...it makes me happy. ?? weird. completely weird. FUCK! I hate it, I hate dealing with bull shit. I miss having it all figured out. I can't do this in and out shit with people, that's not me and never has been.

Date? Date my ass because all it does is Fuck your brain up which brings mass confusion to your life. I hate being confused. I hate dating so like I've said in the past...I'm done doing it. I tried once again and all she did was fckmeluvmelevme. That's why I miss what I had before.

"There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
This is the distance
And this is my game face...

...So this is your maverick
This is Vienna"

I miss what I had before.

Current Mood: calm

Current Music: The Fray

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Jun. 19th, 2006

10:06 pm - I'm ok

I'm okay. I'm okay. Things will be okay.

Fuckin' livejournal. LoL.

So...I've been out and about figuring shit out for myself this time. We'll see how that goes right? Columbia seems to be the hot spot for my education next semester. Currently looking for places with my friend Sarah who will also be attending. So far the hunt has been successful....however, I'm cheap and don't want to pay TOO much. YEAh right! lol. I can dream can't I?

Anyways...getting ready to head out for the evening but I will update again soon. Lots has happened, LOTS will happen.... what is done is done, what will be will be.



XxXx

until next time...let the days keep arollin'

Current Location: LenYa's Sex Spot

Current Mood: calm

Current Music: How to save a life.........

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Jun. 6th, 2006

03:00 pm - You can trust me, Trust nobody

In a recent journal written 5/29/06:

I swear I say this every time but I will continue to repeat myself and enforce it to the max. “It’s amazing how much shit can change within hours, or even a couple days.” I can go from happily “married” to depressingly “divorced” in less than 3 hours. Is that weird to anyone else other than me? Is it weird that my girlfriend is hot then cold in a matter of minutes and drags me along with it? I go in and out because I let her do it to me. I let her have the upper hand and carry me along on this unpredictable roller coaster.

We have had so much fun together in the past 3 months; 3 months and more to be honest. We have gone to 2 sox games, we have gone to concerts together, we have gone on walks together, we have gone to many parties together, we have gone to the park and fed the ducks and geese together, we have gone night fishing together, we have worked out together, we have gone out on cute dinner dates together, we have cooked dinner together, we have wrestled together, we have gone to family events together, we have loved together and that is the most valued memory I have with her.

She showed me that I could love again. She brought out the happiness and laughs in me more than anyone has in a long time. She helped me in appreciating the small things more than I had before. She taught me that you can love someone more than once, and that past was no longer an issue for your future. She made me believe that I could trust again. She showed me that who I was inside was what brought out the beauty on the outside. She helped me in being me to the ones who love me the most even though it may have hurt them. She gave me a sense of belonging in this unknown lifestyle that I am living in. She made me realize that I am me for me and people can and will love that. SHE has become a part of me. She has a huge place in my heart that is temporarily disabled. She has and continues to bring out the best emotions and worst emotions in me. She has made me believe that I’m not just another “girlfriend.” She has made me more jealous than I ever have been. She has made me doubt.

She is what makes me complete. She is what makes me incomplete. Never give up on something you can’t stand living without. 2/25/06 <3

Current Mood: scared

Current Music: Trust Me

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Apr. 12th, 2006

09:34 pm - HI

my boobear is reading and i decided to say... I love you and can NOT wait to drag you to see the Sox with me :) Best present ever!!!

xoxoxo

Current Mood: happy

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Mar. 16th, 2006

01:58 pm - waiting...

As I sit here and wait for her to come save me from my boredom, I figured I'd do a little update on LJ.

Snow again...I honestly can't believe Chicago weather. Am I insane for never considering Univ. of Tampa for softball, like come on Danielle...wtf!? I have, however, considered the west coast but I know I'll miss it here too much. I was set on doing it for months but I found my ground again and realized, this is where I've wanted to be since I was 13. When I attended a hitting camp at Loyola University early on, I had made up my mind and I will live that dream before it's too late. I'd be leaving too much here...I mean, I could do it with all the positives but the negatives pull me back. I'm waiting for UIC to respond and until then researching apartments with Chrissy. Chrissy and I met when I was training at CIP. We have continued working together and with that a great friendship has formed. She has the same expectations as I do and we are definitely compatible roommates. I want someone I can trust and always turn to for help. She has not once turned her back on me in any situation or fight and our personalities never clash. We have loads of fun together and I know we will keep each other grounded while living together. If I could have my choice I'd force Camille to ditch the cruise ship offer and live with us because that would be absolutely insane, but my shnooky must live her dream as well. :( On the topic of C-Mille...I'm so happy to have found someone like her. So down to earth and REAL! When I say true friend the one person that comes to mind is her. We have a relationship like no other I've shared with anyone. She is my sister, my best friend, my soul mate almost. It's scary how much we care for one another and look out for each other. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without her let alone, not being able to talk to her every time I need it. For that, I am so grateful to have found a person like her. Friendship is hard to define but once you find that one that fulfills every aspect of the word, you know and you hold onto it forever.

Sappy yet true...now I'm rambling and I must go. Shannon will be here soon and all I want to do is hug her and kiss her and tell her that everything we've been going through, everything she has been going through will never change how much I care for her. She has opened my eyes to a lot and I Love her for that. I think about her non-stop and it’s been forever since I’ve felt this way for anyone.

Until Next time…let it snow and yea…let it F’in snow.

Florida coming sooooon…1 week!

XxXxXx

Current Mood: happy

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Mar. 1st, 2006

05:40 pm - what has happened....

well...we are together, finally! i can't say finally as if it was her fault, it took me sometime to realize it was what i really wanted. anyways, i'm so happy with us. there is some jealousy issues going on over on her side but all i can tell her is she has absolutely nothing to worry about without saying "babe i'm really head over heals for you but i'm scared to tell you..." or something along those lines. but for now, i'm happy and can't wait to see where things go. i can't jump too far ahead!

broke my thumb yesterday by a 65 mph pitch from the machine and almost lost my nail. it looks like hell, just another set back. great!

time to go to the game with my boo and Re Ne Ne!

ciao for now!! xxx

Current Mood: calm

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Feb. 21st, 2006

01:05 pm - Baby Steps

As usual I can't write long but it's for a good reason today, I'm off to see my sick "friend." I wrote this long entry in my laptop like 2 weeks ago and I was sooo determined to post it but I'm happy I chose not to...at least for right now. Things are going very well right now in the relationship life. Again, I don't plan on jumping too fast into anything. She has been around for quite some time now but certain things just weren’t feeling right in the way beginning for both of us. We stopped everything we had going for about 3 weeks for many reasons but in those 3 weeks she did a lot for herself and so far it's been showing in the way she treats me. The past 3 days have been spent bumming around, cuddling, talking, kissing...kissing wow I love kissing her. I find my self excited to see her, talk to her at night for our 3 hour phone conversations after spending hours together....it's still early but things are going well.

I want to be happy with her. I'm scared of getting hurt but I want to be happy so I will take that chance....baby steps****** I guess you could say...I'm ready, Finall!

XX

Current Mood: hopeful

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Feb. 15th, 2006

02:32 pm - Hmm...this could be interesting

Wednesday, February 15

You want to improve your income and your work output. Tonight have a loving dialogue between you and a partner. Get your plans and resources lined up, then lay back and relax.


**Me and a partner? Who could this be............**

Current Mood: curious

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02:24 pm - I haven't forgot...

In fact I've been wanting to post one of my recent journals but I'm scared. I want people to see it but I don't know who, if anyone even reads this shit anymore. I write at home A LOT but I choose not to post most of it. This one in particular, however, I want to post. On the outside I seem happy to most, but in the inside, I miss and scream for a lot that I can't have. I'm a happy person but there is a lot that many can't see. That's what I'm afraid to post...3 pages worth of my inner being.

Could be interesting.

Current Mood: contemplative

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Jan. 30th, 2006

03:13 pm - New Moon

Mon Jan 30: New Moon

You can see what needs to be rectified and have the determination to bring these changes about. The main concern here is communications; it is difficult to express just how you wish to do this. Since this affects your group environments, hopes and dreams, seek more creative ways to express your desires, rather than expecting others to understand and assist you. Ideal colours are cornflower blue and sunflower yellow. Lucky numbers are 22 and 53.

Thank you Camille for opening the light to my new obsession. Horoscopes and Dream Books. Lots to do with little time to do so...I must stop procrastinating.

I may...just may have a new person in my life. **Just MAYbe**

Current Mood: busy

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Jan. 24th, 2006

02:40 pm - The falling out of Lovers is the renewing of Love.

Robert Burton:

Surround yourself with love. Though this may seem to you the most impossible emotion to experience in the first stages following a separation, it is to become your course of action when you realize that love is the key to your control of self and to the door that is opening toward your new reality. Love is what brought you into your relationship and love is the power that will lead you to the meaningful resolution of your situation.

This decision to love must first take effect with reference to yourself and to the person from whom you are separating. You must love yourself for those qualities which brought you into the realm of that other person: your willingness to give of yourself and to take the risk of being hurt. And to love the other person in spite of the pain you are feeling is to allow that person the same freedom you will both need in order to move on. Love is a force that renews us and prepares us for tomorrow. Hatred is a shackle that keeps us tied to the past. Drop the shackles!

The one from whom you have separated will not soon be forgotten, though great distances may separate the two of you. Give the memory of that person the chance to help you by insisting on remembering the beautiful experiences that united you. The painful ones which separated you will need no coaxing from the memory. Turn your anger into love. Take the qualities you found in the other person and develop them in yourself, use them as a way of better experiencing your love for all the others who are important in your life. After all, those were qualities which brought you into love and they are no less worthy today.

Love has no guilt and no boundaries. In fact, it has no definition. Yes, it is the force which takes us out of ourselves so that we may share ourselves with others. Yet it is also the force that leads us into ourselves, so that we may understand and prepare ourselves for the act of giving. You cannot resolve the bitterness and pain of the separation you are experiencing by continuing to dwell on these feelings. Come alive with the force which is the essence of life itself. You are leaving one relationship, one stop in your journey. There is still a path before you. Walk in love.

Current Mood: satisfied

Current Music: And I will try to fix you......

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Jan. 20th, 2006

05:10 pm - Long needed winter break update

Hibernation is officially over and I’m back in the old routine of everyday life. Does it suck? Yea it sucks but hey, someone has to take care of business around here. Anyways, this has by far been the greatest most successful break of my entire life I must say. Not to mention, I think the longest. It started off with worries and heartache but ended in happiness and FINALLY a glimpse of motivation towards moving forward.

Break began when Jackie and her little “family” if you will, came to the windy city to visit. No not me silly, the City! Ha ;-) It was awesome. Even though I officially suck at touring and came to the realization that I’m still a tourist myself, it was okay; we managed. J and I spent oodles of time together and I took her sledding down a REAL hill on REAL sleds. I must say, I agree with you…it was our best night. We took my little bro and had races until my foot couldn’t take anymore climbing up the damn mountain. I know I know, I’m still recovering from the injury but I’m almost done; just another plus  Went to a few clubs downtown, ran into some old/new friends (Karen, John, Werdell, Trish…) definitely a plus! The few days spent together we bonded in ways we couldn’t before; saw sides that we thought didn’t even exist to each other and that’s what made everything worthwhile. They eventually had to leave and after loading my little car to the max, fitting things I never thought possible, goodbye was something I wasn’t ready to say. She left but I knew it wasn’t for good. We will see each other again. I promise.

The end for us came but the beginning for me was just starting…………..

I had a week until I was leaving for the sun. I worked my ass off to make a few extra bucks at CIP so I could live it to the fullest. I traveled alone and I must say, even though my luggage didn’t make it to the plane at 6am departing day, therefore leaving me in standby the rest of the morning, I still love traveling alone. I have said this once and I will say it again. I love being with someone while traveling, however being alone is so… good. I don’t know I like it a lot when I know I can do it on my own. It does get lonely when you have a 2 hour lay over in Washington DC, but I don’t mind loneliness anymore. Once finally meeting up with the crew, I should’ve known my life was not going to be the same for what was to come in the next 7 days. Weaver and Colleen on the loose more than EVER, the girls and their random hookups, getting kicked out of bars with Bertino 1, Weaver finding her soul mate, getting my camera stolen at the club and almost getting kicked out because I was searching random peoples pockets, flipping out on my Big Sis, who would’ve known (Thank you Tarot cards), meeting Nick, JESSS (I want to slap her with my…..), 3 mile walks on the beach naked (ok with bras) at 2 am with Big Sis, king of the mountain and species+ocean=WAVES, everyone but me and Christina streaking, digging each other in the sand and making obscene body parts, me and Colleen’s art of the women’s lower area and teaching Weaver how to……, New Year’s eve and what was Weaver doing (3,2,1 boyyyyyaayyooiinnggg), being the 1st to see Weaver’s favorite undies DESTROYED, Christina at Tabu (You sick sick woman), Megan puking in MY bed, Weaver past out on the bathroom floor with her hair coming out the crack of the door which was how we found her (Mind you I just started laughing out loud because of that), strip shows, our cab driver(s), LWord, 7 Eleven, ending up at the Sheriff’s department filling out police reports on the morning of our departure (“Guy’s where’s my 70 dollars?”), and most of all the BEST was spending it with my best friend’s who mean the fucking world to me. You guys took my mind away for 7 days and I couldn’t ask for more. Even though I had that horrible dream that would usually bring me down for a whole day, you guys kept me going. I know I forgot a lot of things but hold out for the DVD, it’s going to be absolutely genius. Forever remember Florida CK New Year’s ‘06!!

The flight home went well except for the fact that, and by the way I don’t discriminate BUT…lets just say half of my seat was taken over and it wasn’t because of me! HAHA. I finally came home to my little brother who missed me terribly, especially because no one could board on their skiing trip so he had to ski. Poor little guy. Once finally getting home, work began. It was back to reality once again and I was not happy about it. I got my grades and wasn’t too happy with one of them but it wasn’t my best semester as a college student either. I’ll let it pass but no more excuses, it’s time to move on already. The gang was all back from school so it was nice seeing all of my high school friends, met up with an older friend and let me tell you, it was nice seeing a friendly face who knows me more than most. Even though I will forever hold a grudge due to some ESPN gig and the SOX, it’s ok I’ll get over it. I then had another visitor a few days later. Kriegs and I hit up Spin not too long ago and let me tell you, it was a blast yet a nightmare all at once. I had been having a horrible week, bad dreams and creepy tarot readings in Florida, getting over the fact that my 500 dollar camera was stolen and no Florida friends to keep my mind off of it was difficult. She decided to come out to my side of the world and take me downtown. I do have an ID now which is nice so I thought I’d use it to my advantage. Got to Spin early, had some drinks bought for me and the night had JUST begun, literally. I drank for my first time since New Years (where I didn’t even get that drunk). We all know I’m a light weight but believe it or not, I do know when to stop. I’ve spent two years in college and not once have I had a hang over, not once have I puked or even come close, but this night was different. I stumbled outside the bar and inhaled something from another human being and continued on with the night; ended up at another bar with girls who I didn’t even know and Krieger. Talked to some of them and ironically all of them knew her but it didn’t phase me, mainly because I was severely intoxicated and under the influence. All in all, we somehow got home with me passing out in the passenger seat. At least I woke up in time to make the exit! I’m not going to lie, it was a side of me I’ve never expressed before and never plan on doing in a long time. There are things that are still unraveling from that night, even days later which scares me to believe I smoked something I shouldn’t have. End of story. You live you learn, I had a blast before all of that though I won’t deny that. Ps. I still haven’t puked and I may just hold the record…Kindergarten!!!

The dreams continue but I keep on trucking… my two best friends and I decided it was our turn to test out our ID’s downtown. Finally being recovered from my last journey we headed out last night for our last winter break outing. Another successful night but it didn’t involve ME getting trollied (thanks Col) this time. Did my usual, had a drink and was good to go all night. Pre-partied in Lincoln Park at Kelsey’s friends apartment then headed out to Halstead where we would bar hop for a few more hours. Meghann definitely made our night interesting…thanks Megs! We had an in depth convo on our ride home that made me realize a lot of things, things that haven’t stopped running through my mind this past month. The same things consistently run through my mind and sometimes I think I’m going crazy. My conscience is trying to tell me something but I don’t know if I’m ready to hear it. I wish I knew all but I don’t. So I went to bed as usual with loads on my mind just to wake up this morning for a full day of work. I met a family who fell in love with me, got 2 compliments from 2 different parties which rewarded me “the bracelet,” watched the Bear’s play their worst defense game all season, got more money stolen from my purse and ate my bitchiness away. It’s all a constant brutal cycle but at the end of the night I’m happy because there are reasons for everything. Kim and I both know this line from first hand experiences.

I’m happy because I’m realizing things a lot more clearly lately. I’m still trying to piece a lot of the puzzle together but soon it will be a masterpiece. The dreams will continue and the conscience will always talk but I can’t solve the reason as to why. Next semester starts for me early in the AM tomorrow which is why I must end here. New people, new classes, and a new season. Out with the old and in with the new is how I’m looking at second semester. “Sticks” is back and I’m not falling down this time. #11

Current Mood: optimistic

Current Music: You're beautiful, but it's time to face the truth...

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Dec. 30th, 2005

02:19 pm - You Oughta Know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"You Oughta Know"............one of my favorite Karaoke songs that I just love to belt out at CIP!

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, till you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, til you died
But you're still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Current Mood: accomplished

Current Music: Alanis!

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02:02 pm - Merry Xmas Happy New Year and all that good stuff

School ended a few weeks ago and since then I’ve been so wrapped up in my confusing life that I didn’t even realize I was going on vacation today. I’m on my way to Florida in a large Airbus 320. I got to the airport this morning at 5 am, stood in line to check in for more than a half hour and missed my bag check in by 10 minutes. Therefore, I was on standby for 2 hours in Chicago. I finally got on a plane but before I knew it, I was awaiting another one in Washington. I lucked out and got on the first flight out to Orlando. That’s my good luck for the day. I love traveling, I love being alone and independent but for some reason…I wish I had someone to travel with today; someone who means something, someone who can lead me instead of me always leading myself. I had that for a few days but that feeling can only last so long in my life. My relationship life has never been easy. Either I fall for someone who’s too old for me, too far away in distance, too “unsure”… shit the list goes on. This is why I steer clear from possible options but I can only steer so far. I want to have that excitement in my life again; I want to look forward to see "that person" every chance I can!!

“You see everything you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here”

I have a growing love for Alanis Morissette. Sorry. So it’s 71 degrees in Orlando reported the captain from his cockpit. We are about to descend into our landing so I will continue when I arrive to the airport where I will wait for Weaver Beaver.

“No we’re never gonna survive
Unless we get a little bit crazy
No we’re never gonna survive
Not unless we get a little bit crazy
No No Never survive…..”

Ok so I’m cutting this short because I’m sitting in baggage claim waiting for Weaver to get her ass here and somehow I got wireless. However, I’ve been chatting my ass off and playing with Myspace and before I know it she’ll be here and I wont’ have time to post this.

Well my journey in Florida has begun. 2 nights in Orlando then all 8 of us are heading to Daytona Beach where we will be living in a condo on the beach for 4 days. Literally, ON THE BEACH! We have pre-paid tickets for New Years at this place called Taboo (or something like that) where we will be partying our asses off. Who will I kiss?!?! L I have many New Years Resolutions to announce…this is going to be a good year I feel. I can’t wait to start it. Alright my lovers, it’s time for me to head out on my voyage of complete FREEDOM! However, I am missing out on our annual ski trip to Galena and if anyone thinks their taking my board, hands will be cut off. Watch me.

Peace and I’ll see you all next year ;-) XXXX

Ps. Hope everyone’s Christmas was as good as mine. Hotty Scotty jersey, Karaoke Rev, clothes clothes and more clothes, money, vacation....oh yeaaa :)

Current Mood: bouncy

Current Music: You Oughta Know

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Dec. 1st, 2005

03:54 pm - It's a Surprise

So...yesterday was my Boyeee's Bday...IAN! I put together a surprise party for him at Georgio's. I was quite impressed with myself. Brooke and I went out and bought a shit load of purple and pink balloons saying phrases like "It's a girl" and "Happy Anniversary" and "Bridal Shower," You can only imagine how many different ones we got!! It was hilarious shopping for this kid because it's Ian and he's just SOO IAN!! I also bought a "My Little Pony" table cloth and purple jewels, necklaces, earrings and a tiara. LOL... i made him wear all of it during dinner. It was fun! Our new and reformed "family" all showed up and everything went perf...ectly!

Now I'm at school and tonight I'm going to listen to a speaker talk about Drunk Driving. His daughter was killed during St. Patty's weekend this year and I find it necessary to devote some of my time to something so important to our generation. I don't know if I'm going to CIP tonight. Yes I know it's Karaoke but I'm feeling a little "to myself" this afternoon. I can't get her off of my mind and I still have 18 more days. What am I going to do? Maybe I should go just to get me through the rest of the night. IDK...my best relationships have been over the phone. That's kinda scary?! Ian has been there throughout the highest points of my "love" life and he's now witnessing another. He's starting to hate that piece of electronic glued to my ear 24/9!

And now her best friend just IMed me... UH OHHHH HAHA. Don't worry J it's all about you!!
Loads Love,
Me

Current Mood: bouncy

Current Music: I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk...My Hump!!

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Nov. 10th, 2005

04:20 pm - Fed Up

"Dear "Friend,"

This game that you play with me is ridiculous. My friend updated my page yesterday while i was eating at Panera. She played around with it on my laptop and added her name to my top 8, along with a few other of our friends which then moved some people off. I find it quite childish that to rebel, u go take me off your top 8, text me annoying texts, email me....etc. the point of me telling you about myspace wasn't for you to watch over my life and see if I’m doing anything to hurt you as a friend. I've been on this for a long time now and not one person has acted the way u do. She changed a few pictures around, ones that she thought were "good" and added them. Therefore, had to delete some OLD ones. I love the "unknown group", but they aren't my WHOLE life. I was forced to leave and start over again, for some reason you dont get that. If you want to continue this friendship then I suggest things change. I don't fee like being hunted down like an animal, feeling guilty for changing things around on MY website. Sometimes I wonder where our friendship stands. Is it even a friendship? Yes you are there for me, yes I am there for you but aside from that, all you do is find reasons to get at me. I don't like this and I wont feel guilty every time I do something. The people on my top 8 are people I ACTUALLY TALK TO ON MYSPACE. It's an easier way to connect to them instead of searching for their name. You don’t talk to me on myspace and I'm not the kinda person to go searching when I have a lot of other things on my plate. I love you as a friend, and as an individual but I can't feel this guilt every time we talk. Hope u understand and none of this was out of meanness so please, push away the stubbornness and understand where I’m coming from.

Danielle"

was this too mean? I mean seariously though, this has gotten out of control. WHO THE HELL CARES SO MUCH to get that pissed off? OVER MYSPACE?? lol i laugh and people like this. uhh.... whatever man. I have to go to work and somehow manage with a broken foot. Fuckin' A!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: annoyed

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Nov. 9th, 2005

01:35 pm - Dating...

is such a stupid concept I've decided. I don't like being asked out on dates and I sure as hell don't ask people out on dates. Maybe this is why I don't like the concept too well. If someone wanted to go out for dinner, get coffee... I'm ok with that, but don't call it a date unless you really like the person. OK, where am I going with this? To be honest, I was asked to go out on a "date" today. I'm not too sure how I feel about this. I'm not ready to get near anyone but it would be nice to have a decent conversation here and there. I mean, I do have them over the phone ;-) and I'm satisfied with that to be brutally honest. Well sort of, I guess it's nice to have that 1 on 1 connection with someone. I guess going on "dates" isn't that bad now that I write it out. I'm just afraid of what can happen after that. I enjoy my space and my life is wayyy to F'ed up to get involved with someone else. I don't know how people move on so quickly from where they left off from before. Now that concept is F'ed up!!!

Maybe I'll try it out. I have been satisfied with the relationships I've formed with people, but I've kept it at arms length distance. It's been working quite fine.......maybe I'll stick with that until I get what I want...... if that day ever comes :(

On that note...I shall hobble my way outa here to get some food with Kim Kim. This cast thing has made me realize how thankful I am for 2 WORKING legs!!! I'm exhausted from this workout, it's not normal. ughh get me out of it pleeeaseeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: drained

Current Music: Library noise

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